Mom. Wife. Military Life.

This morning I was reaching out to my friends all across the planet. My heart had been missing my friends. See, with the military you meet people whom you know you will run across in the future and you know it will be great again one day to see them, but then you meet people who, once you move, your heart misses. They fill that family void that you don’t get the privilege of having when you are living all across the globe. They are people that you always make the effort with even after its been a couple months of quiet. You gotta remind them that you are thinking about, love and miss them even through the silence.

Anyways, I was talking to one of my girlfriends this morning about life. We just lost a dog a few days ago and she reached out with words of peace and understanding and let me lean in on her even from a literal world away and 3 years of not actually getting to see each other. As we talked the conversation pivoted. We started on the conversation of motherhood.

Oh shit, here it comes. I can hear you thinking that right now as you read this. I SEE YOU, BOO.

Let me preface this with my friend is exceptional. She balances babies, yes plural, life abroad, her marriage, and friendships in a way that I envy.

As we started talking more and I had my chance to lean in for support she opened up and leaned back to me with motherhood. She told me about her struggles of balancing everything. Feeling like she did more screaming then talking, feeling like she couldn’t spread the time evenly through her babies, feeling like she couldn’t find the time for HERSELF.

Well my friend, that sounds like you are normal. Yes, normal.

We as a society place these incredibly unrealistic preconceived notions about these domestic goddesses we are suppose to be. You need to have a clean house, warm dinner on the table for your family, your kids need to be in 397947 different after school activities, but you also need to find the time to keep yourself in shape, put together, and ready to pounce as a sexy prowess when nighttime falls around.

***EAR MUFFS***

Fuck that shit.

Let me tell what you need to be real quick. You need to be OK. You need to make sure your kids are fed, if that is Uncrustables and Cheetos, whatever. You fed them. If you manage to muster the energy at the end of the day to run the vacuum (overachiever, in the best way), you are ahead of the curve. If you need to go take a shower a few minutes longer then usual to shave your legs because that makes YOU feel better, you do it. That baby can cry a little longer and you will come out feeling better centered and ready to tackle whatever task comes at hand. And let me tell you something, I don’t know a man out there who thinks their wife is any less sexy in a dirty t-shirt that she busted ass in all day keeping YOUR lives put together in, then naughty lingerie. Maybe aesthetically, but its all the same underneath their girl, own that shit.

And let me let you in on a little secret… it gets easier. One morning you will wake up a little lighter on your feet, a little more aligned and a little more adjusted. Things get harder in different ways, but the way you are feeling right now in this moment is a season. A very Texas- 4-seaons-in-one-day-kinda season, but a season none the less.

You are a queen. One of my favorite savings is “Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling them it’s crooked”. Do that. And while you fix it on another queen’s head I challenge you to take it a step further and complement that woman’s crown. You would be amazed as from one mother to another, how far a compliment can go, the recognition of the exceptional job you are doing as a mother, which through your own eyes, you only see as ok. Mom guilt is really, really, REALLY real. So to have that affirmation passed on through the power from one strong woman to another, you are casting nothing but good ass vibes out onto the world.

So you, reading this, stand tall. Stand affirmed. Stand knowing that being the OK-est mother is being the best mother, you are your own worst critic.

Your crown is extra shiny today momma, let that light S-H-I-N-E.

Ahhhh, it feels good to be back.

Inspire. Believe. Succeed.

-Kinzy

 

My husband walked in as I was washing the last dish from dinner, I glanced up and then back down at the sink of dishes I was working on.

Me- “How was your day, babe?”

Him- “Busy as usual, I thought we were going out for dinner tonight?”

Me- “I love you, but we can’t wait.”

In reality we could wait. We could wait minutes. We could wait hours. We could wait. I mean it’s what we do right? Wait. Almost on a professional level. We wait for orders. We wait for furniture. We wait for TDY’s. We wait for homecomings. We wait. We limbo back and forth between the present and waiting, constantly.

I finally got to the point where I don’t wait. I’m not talking 10 minutes past dinner time. I’m talking that vacation that I have dreamed of for years. I’m talking about making that drive home to see family. And actually you know what? I am talking about dinner, because sometimes I don’t want to wait anymore. It’s not that I want to do it alone, or that I don’t want my husband there, because more then anything he completes me and every experience. It’s the fact that if I waited every single time for an “I’ll do my best” to come to fruition (which the man is amazing, he truly means he will do his best), I would be waiting an eternity.

I have very little power or pull in this life. I very rarely get to call the shots on the  decisions of the big life changes that get plopped in our laps, and 99.9% of the time I understand and am totally ok with that, this is the life my husband signed up for and we committed to as a family. But that .1% of the time I have the power to make a decision and it fall in my power, I choose to do it. Take the reigns and run. My daily life holds so many tiny pieces of my control-freak self it would make you laugh.

I can’t tell you, how here more then ever, I have finally allowed the waiting game to not pull at my heart or head anymore. Maybe this stage of life has just quieted down for a moment, or I have grown more as a person to understand better, but carpe diem. Oh yes I said it…. CARPE the shit out of the DIEM!!! There is always and excuse. Take that excuse and tuck it down deep in your back pocket (unless you really just genuinely don’t want to do it, then just say no, but thats a whole different blog) and do it. We wait to much in life. We wait for the raise. We wait for the kids to get a little bigger. We wait until the next day to start working out. We wait for better timing. We wait things to constantly change when in our hearts, the waiting is just our minds hesitating. Do it. Do it unapologetically. Do it proud. And for goodness sake, be bold. But don’t wait.

We get to do this life thing once. I can look back so often and think, “Why did I wait so long?”… most the time fear I’m sure, sometimes things are just completely out of my control and just trying to wait in hopes of the outcome I want. But wanting and waiting don’t always equal happiness and success. So yes, I’m telling you to be a bit impulsive. Take a few more risks. Step outside our not-so-perfectly manicured boxes, and stop waiting.

Live a little… No… live A LOT.

Inspire.Believe.Succeed.

-Kinzy

 

Here we are… that tiny, tiny speck of light at the end of the tunnel is much brighter and bigger now. We are getting super close to sprinting across the finish line… and when I say sprinting I mean, we are full steam ahead.

J has been gone for 4 months and we are toes deep in the 5th month. This time away has been different then any other time apart we have ever had to do. We are the ones a world away this time while he is back in the states. We have both been pushed mentally to breaking points but by God’s good grace we wake up ready to push through another week. I have been thankful to talk to him every single day even if its a simple “I love you, you got this”, back and forth.

In OKC we had family so close that it broke up the time and monotony of being alone, and it was the perfect weekend fresher to run down to Texas…. here, that’s just not possible. But having home at the end of this run of time sure has kept the kids and I motivated and excited.

We, like every other family when their spouses is gone, have gone through car trouble, ER visit, sickness… a whole freakin’ lot of sickness, loneliness, needing to be 2 places at once, punishments, struggling in school, moments of “I really, really miss daddy”, “I really miss Texas”, “I’m just really exhausted and done”, But you know what else we have done?

Grown, learned, and succeeded.

We have 2 beautiful babies thriving in school now. Everly is finishing up her first extracirricular activity this week, and she has LOVED it. Cruz is starting to read. Jaxsyn is speaking like a tiny adult. We had some of our best friends out to visit us. I started my own makeup and hair business and it’s thriving. I had another article published. The kids have found a patience that goes beyond my realm of understanding, but has been so so gratefully appreciated in times of need. We have explored castle ruins. I climbed a lighthouse and defeated a fear of mine. I practiced yoga. I attended a ball. I could just keep going on and on….

Even as I sit here writing I can think of a million good things that have outweighed the bad. In the moments of bad it was hard to see all of the positive, but at the end of the day reflecting, we sure are blessed.

I can’t imagine having gone through these past few months without the complete selflessness and help in this community of friends we have made her on island. Be it a warm meal (at times when you had no idea how much I needed it), hauling my babies to and from school when one was sick or I was working, a shoulder to cry on when I felt like I was at my breaking point on so many occasions, a bottle of wine to celebrate a victory, an extra set of hands to take my kids out to do things when I couldn’t be in 2 places at once, a night out to press the reset button and be ready to conquer another week, mowing my huge ass lawn, or just sending a simple text of support letting me know there is always an end in sight. I love y’all. Every single one of you. I honestly can’t imagine these past few months without your support and love. You have pulled me through and I promise when the tables are turned to pay it forward.

We are not done yet, but man it feels good to be this close. I can’t account for Jason’s experience these past few months… it is something he has gone through that I will never understand, nor do I need to. I do know that he is proud of the growth and gracious for the opportunity he’s getting to experience no matter how hard it is. He is one of the most selfless, driven people I have ever met in my life and through all of the toughness he has still managed to find optimism in every single circumstance. A few more weeks and we will all be back together again, that is the one thing I know for sure. Time to put our heads down and push through the end.

We are so, so, SO excited. We are starting to gather our clothes and goodies for our trip home. There is nothing better then being home for the holidays. We have thanksgiving with family, I have a family wedding back in one of my favorite places in the world with some of my favorite people, I have time to drink coffee in my big blue chair and watch the Christmas tree sparkle while I snuggle with my sister… my furry sister, but you too Lanie. Then hop on the plane to go scoop up the love of my life only to turn around and unite our babies with their daddy, in their favorite place in the whole world.

The end is in sight!

Inspire.Believe.Succeed.

-Kinzy

 

 

Hello friends and family! I hope this is finding you in happiness and pumpkin spice everything. Fall has officially arrived which would usually mean breaking out the jackets and long sleeves, here in Okinawa it simply means we have a few more beach trips we get to squeeze in. It has been “cooler” here the past couple days, and by cooler I mean the humidity isn’t at a million percent so its feeling a bit cooler.

The kids are super busy in school. Everly has a ton of homework she’s bringing home but thankfully it is all stuff she enjoys doing and I never get a single complaint to sit down and do it. Her teacher this year is exceptional and I couldn’t ask for a better fit for her. Ev’s also cheering. She has practice 2-3 times a week and games on the weekends. Her first “Pep-Rally” and game are this weekend and she is super excited, she absolutely loves it. You should see how cute these babies are dancing, cheering and doing their stunts. I have met some awesome moms through cheer and I am so grateful for that. It’s always refreshing to meet new faces and expand friendships through different branches of service and get to hear that as different as our lives are, they are also very, very similar.

Cruz is doing well in Kinder. I have never had a boy in school before and I wasn’t sure how well he was going to do with focus in class and in school but he is adjusting slowly. The boy is incredibly smart, his focus can dwindle though. He is super young for kinder but I have no doubt with time and working with him he will make it through this year successfully. He always muddles along through cheer practice. He plays on the track, runs arounds with the other siblings and helps wrangle Jax. I always ask him if he wants to play football and he says “No thank you, I’m ok”. If you know cruz at all you can literally see his body language saying that, shaking his head and his hand like “Nope, they are hot and miserable and Im not doing it mom, I would rather sit and watch the cheerleaders”…. I get it bro’.

Jaxsyn is loving life. She has “Nanny Meghan” that comes 2 times a week. On the days she comes, when she knocks at the door, Jax gets so excited! She takes her to the park, paints her nails, snuggles her. I just couldn’t ask for a greater person to be hanging with Jax, she truly has become a part of our family. I have complete piece of mind when she is with the kiddos. Jax also loves cheer. She’s clearly not old enough to the on the team but I kid you not, that baby knows every. single. cheer. She will count down the girls with a  5-6-7-8, better then any kid I know. She loves getting out and watching the girls and occasionally getting to use the poms her sister leaves sitting around. She is a trooper, I haul her around everywhere and she does it all with a smile.

Jason is still out there. Thats about as much as I got for you there. We have been blessed to talk every single day, even if its just a simple “I love you”. We make it a point to always pass that along. He is such an incredible man and manages to balance that and completely disconnect to ask the kids how they are doing, ask me about things in my life and then turn around and do all he is there. I’m just so grateful for the strength and love he constantly gives to us. I love you JB, you are one of a kind and I’m glad your mind. You are a pillar of strength even a world away.

Im here. With the huge amount of busyness I haven’t had time to even stop and think about anything and that’s good. I’m the kind of person who needs to be busy, when I stop and there is quiet I find myself  slide down into depression. Thank God (seriously) there has been no quiet for the past 4 months. I would be lying if I told you I’m not exhausted because I am, but its nothing I haven’t felt or gone through before. We are getting so close to our trip home, I think for all of us, we just wake up and keep counting down. I miss home for sure. I was talking to my friend the other day and told her “I miss home… I’m not even sure where “home” is anymore but I miss it. Home is in Las Vegas,Texas, Alaska, Arizona, Okinawa…” The people I love are completely scattered about now. I think when we get to Texas and get to squeeze our families it will be the perfect recharge we are all needing. The kids and I have been spending some good quality time together lately and that completely fills my heart. To hear them belly laugh, and to watch their little minds process information and create these incredible imaginations they have is something that is absolutely priceless.

So here we are. Already 5 days into October…. We have lots of pumpkin projects we are doing for school, character parades, fall crafts, and cooler weather we are all looking forward to. Once November hits I think we are all going to be so excited we can’t even see straight. Cruz has his first field trip I’m going to try to go to, and then HOOOMMMMMEEEEEE. Im going to be that crazy woman who falls to her knees when she gets of the plane in Texas and kisses the ground.

As Davy Crockett said “You can all go to hell, I’m going to Texas”….. Amen Davy. Amen.

Inspire.Believe.Succeed.

-Kinzy

My husband has been gone for a good chunk of time now. The kids and I are finally finding our groove, running to the commissary, BX, beach, pool, anywhere with an AC or water to get in. Yesterday we packed up after running errands and headed to the pool. After lathering everyone in SPF 1000000, I hoped in, lined my three up on the side of the pool and stood there as they all took turns using me as a floatation device to swim back and forth to the wall. As I stood there juggling all 3 of them like a professional circus clown, I realized I wasn’t a one woman act.

I looked out to my left and saw a mom with 4 kids. One in arm floats, 3 swimming, all under age 8. She was a boss. I think I have my groove down pretty well with my 3 and she made me look like amateur hour. She was the ring leader, the mom you look at and think, she’s got this down. They were well behaved, she was patient, and the woman made it look easy.  I have seen this mom at school drop off before, and she just oozes “cool, calm and confident”. She’s the mom that doesn’t have to wear a lick of makeup and still looks absolutely put together in her comfy clothes. She’s awesome. The best part yet, if you told her all of that, she would have absolutely no idea that is how she comes across because she is just doing her mom-thing.

To my right I had a mom with 2 kids 3 years apart… Im assuming 5 and 2 because she said her son was starting kindergarten. This mom was the queen of the balancing act. She had one baby old enough to swim freely and she had one baby that was still figuring out the water. She was stuck in the middle of both. You could tell her life was the same way. Her kids slowly crept down the wall with every jump coming down closer to where my kids were jumping in. We ended up having a short conversation about how her husband was deployed, and the thought of having a third kid. She was wanting more but her husband wasn’t sure. She was just in the moment juggling life, and I appreciated seeing the optimism in her eyes.

I saw the tiger taming moms, you know the ones with the wild children. They know the exact look or word to say to make their kids get it together in an instant.

The showgirl moms, who’s kids are old enough that they have had the time to get their body back in shape. They can lay out lazily and watch their kids from a distance because they are old enough to handle themselves. They watch all of us more junior moms and think “I see you, I have been there, and you will be here soon enough… we all pay our dues”.

You have the anxious audience moms. The moms who are sitting and lurking on the edge of the pool. The kids don’t swim, they are in floats, hats, sunglasses, swim shirts, white as ghosts from the 10 layers of sunscreen that have been applied. The pool is to deep for anyone but adults to touch and mom knows that this trip to the pool is an uphill battle. She also usually just has one child. Your doing what you think is best momma, and I applaud you even making the effort, it doesn’t go unrecognized.

The thing is, we are all living life in this circus. We all have our own act we are performing. Some can recognized (or sympathize) the acts in the moment. The fact is we are all out there doing one thing and one thing only, we are doing what is best for our family to get through. We are tough. We are getting through the end of summer break, we are getting through TDYs, we are getting through deployments, we are just getting through the day some days, but guess what? We. Are. Getting. Through. Embrace your circus. Grab some popcorn….and wine, and sit back and enjoy the show, appreciating all of its moving parts.

 

Summer update time!

Here we are, a good month into J being gone. Although we miss him a lot we are keeping busy and time is FLYING by. After he left we had a week with my sister still on island and took advantage of the beaches and great pool we have here on base. We got in a nice little routine with her here and of corse thats exactly when it fell time for her to go home. The kids (and I) had a tearful goodbye, but that meant we would also get to start counting down the days until we would see each other again.

The week after she left Everly started swimming lessons and lets just say that wasn’t the most pleasant start to swim classes. She HATED it… and I know that because she was screaming at the top of her lungs “I HAAATTTTEEE SWWIIMMMMIINNNGG”!!! This is also a big deal because “hate” is a word I try really, really hard to have the kids and myself not use… when she started screaming that bloody murder I knew we had issues. I made her apologize immediately when she was done with that day’s lesson for the way she behaved (it was just beyond, y’all). I left mad, and just got more and more angry in the car because she knows better then to act that way, and heres the deal, I don’t expect the child to be Michael Phelps but she DOES have to know how to swim. Period. So anyways, we sat down and talked when we got home (the drive home was SILENT, if you know my kid and I, this is a rarity) and got the point across that being calm, and communicating was going to be a much better route for the next day. The next day with apprehension and a few tiny tears, she was swimming when we left that class. On Wednesday she was in the pool saying “I LOVE SWIMMMINGGGG!” Now THAT, is much more the Everly I know she can be. We will continue swimming 4 days a week over the next 3 weeks until she is able to do her final test out. She starts cheer camp next week for 3 days and she has a 6th Birthday right after that, THEN first grade starts. She is growing leaps and bounds. She surprises me every day with her reading, and creative mind. I’m excited for her to start cheer and to be able to focus some energy and meet some new friends… not to mention she’s super excited about the uniform and sparkly pom-poms.

Cruz is my little merman. That child LIVES for the ocean and all things water. If you whisper the word beach, he is in his suit and ready to go. We have been visiting the pool on the days I don’t wanna haul out to the beach and that child(on the other hand) is Michael Phelps. He loves to do all these different jumps into the pool and swim back and forth. He’s like a machine, he just doesn’t stop until I make him, or they blow the whistle for the 10 minutes of adult swim (yaaaassss!!!). There is nothing better as a parent then swimming around in peace for 10 minutes while you watch your children sitting there on the edge asking you a million times how much longer until they can get back in. “Long enough to not have to worry about my nipple falling out of my swimsuit because you little leaches keep tuggin’ on me, thats how long!”… That buys me a good 30 seconds of silence. Back to Cruz, he has his big 5th birthday soon! He also starts kindergarten the week after Everly starts first grade. The kinder teachers come visit the home that first week of school which delays them that week. He is excited and I think getting a little nervous. We have been practicing letters and numbers. He’s writing his name and we’re starting to work on sight words. I cant believe I’m going to have 2 babies in school!

Jaxy is a pro at going with the flow. She gets dragged around just about everywhere like a  champ. She also loves swimming now…. If you recall she was not a huge fan of her swim classes but she did amazing in them. I have tried my best to keep those skills fresh with her since she is so young and, thankfully, she has retained all of it and more! She will jump of the side of the pool, put herself into a float and then flip over and swim to me. It is amazing to see a 2 year old do something like that. She’s just like Cruz, she goes 100 MPH when she hits the pool. We have an amazing sitter that will be starting when school starts a couple days a week to be with her so I can get out for some mom time. My vivacious little baby girl and I have a lot of exploring to do while her brother and sister are in school, I don’t think she has any idea.

Jason is still at his school and thats a good sign hahaha, thats about as much as I can give you on that. We have been grateful enough to talk to him everyday, the time change works great in our favor for the early mornings and late nights he’s working. Its a lot easier for him to keep his head down there when we are surrounded by amazing people watching out after us. Huge shout out to our neighbors the Chrismans’ who always mow our lawn and keep it looking fresh… and let me tell you, our yards aren’t small. Our great friends have made us dinners, brought us desserts, take our trash cans out, helped with babies… I could go on all day. We are so grateful for the community that helps everything flow so seamlessly.

I have certainly been busy with the kids and have enjoyed getting to spend some much one on one time with them. We have been exploring and laughing a lot together. As much as they drive me crazy at times, they also fuel my fire to always be working on how I can do things better. God grants me with extra patience when I am on my own parenting, its even different then TDY patience. When you know it’s going to be a long time keeping the mentality that this is a marathon on a sprint, is absolutely necessary. I have adult fun to look forward to, my friends and I are going on a little kayak/snorkel day at the end of August before we dive back into school/work routines. We have some of Jason and I’s dear friends coming out to visit for a few days at the start of September. We are going to Air Force ball as a giant group of ladies and a few husbands sprinkled in there to keep us all in line. By the time all of that ends we will have a little over a month left until we head home for a bit.

This summer has been a blast so far and we still have a few weeks left to simmer in the sun and enjoy these beautiful oceans as a family. Once we get everyone in school and on our new routine ill update again with how everyone is doing!

-Kinzy

“I don’t know how you do it.”

I hear that more times then I can count. I hear it from strangers, friends and family. I have a simple answer, it can vary from time to time, but it usually goes something like this…

“I don’t either, I just do.”

We as spouses are masters of flexibility. Masters of being told that things are happening one way and reality reminding you they are happening another. Sometimes they fall in our favor and other times they completely sweep us off our feet. But one thing is tried and true, we always make it through.

I have days in this life where I sit and wonder what the hell we are doing. I watch my kids say goodbye to their daddy and family coming and going for visits and work and as I look in the backseat and see them crying I hear a “Momma, why does everyone keep leaving us?”… excuse me while I catch my breath because that felt like a punch straight to the stomach… followed by a simple answer from me of “Because your daddy is a rockstar, and we have an incredible country that he has to protect. And guess what… We wouldn’t have had the chance to go to these beaches, learn a new language and meet our awesome new friends if daddy’s work didn’t bring us here right?!”… Im half convincing myself of this as I repeat that to them.

I made a promise to myself as my husband left for this last trip that I wouldn’t only get through, but I would thrive during this time. When you think of thriving you think above average. You think a step above good. Thriving, to me, means living in a constant place of allowed growth. Stepping outside of my box and trying new things. No… that doesn’t mean I’m going blindfolded bungee jumping… to me it means keeping my mind in a place of happiness. It means that when things don’t fall into place, I find a lesson in it for myself and my kids. It means looking at the cup half full and seeing the silver lining. It means that when times get hard, because at points they will be really freakin hard, remembering I am the daughter of a greater God and that his plan has us in that moment for a reason… a reason I might not recognize in the moment, but a reason that will make it worth pushing through.

I’m a control freak… (insert insatiable laughter here, we all know how well that shakes out in this lifestyle). I have had to grow and adapt my thinking every single day. At this moment we are happy. We are tired from all the festivities of summer, but we are recharging to start a new set of adventures before school begins and we head into a whole new routine. ROUTINNNNEEEEE….. Did you hear the angel’s singing?! 2 older kids in school, and only one baby at home…. I just might start a presidential campaign, run a marathon and take up singing opera, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Thats what having only one kid at home feels like to me. So yes, bring on the school year.

So your idea of thriving and mine may be different…I fully believe you can control your perception of the place you are in, in life. Im not going to say sometimes life doesn’t just keep on coming by hitting you where it hurts, but there are other things to focus when things get hard… we are able and breathing.  The tiny pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel is a piece of optimism to me. I have no control over what can or will happen, but I can control today and this moment, and right now in this moment, we are thriving.

Inspire.Believe.Succeed.

-KINZY

Hello friends and family! I write to you about to head into a super busy summer. Although school isn’t out yet, we have started to dive in (literally) heads first!

Everly still has school for a couple more weeks but there are tons of fun days sprinkled in and out. Between all the field trips and school activates she wakes up super excited for her next adventure every morning. My beautiful oldest baby has grown exponentially. Her spirit has grown and man, oh, man is she smart. She challenges me every single day… (lets just say our fashion taste isn’t the same) and I’m totally ok with that 95% of the time. She has been blessed with an amazing teacher who has helped her come out of her shell since she started in OKC. When these next 2 weeks come to a close we will have a FIRST GRADER!

Cruz is also growing…. amongst his lego obsession, he is writing his name and getting ready to take over kindergarten like a boss. He’s gotten to that age where he is ready to exercise his mind in a way momma can’t fill anymore. He is going to rock it next year, I have no doubt…. as long as he remembers to leave the potty talk and ninja moves at home (geez, MOM!). In all seriousness, my little man has a heart of gold and there are big things in his future.

Jaxy-pie is sassy…. sassy, sassy,sassy. She is the baby and the biggest boss of them all. The only thing small about her is her stature. She’s talking, trying to count and wants to be 16 and grown, like… yesterday. She is about to get her go at being the only kiddo around once school starts… bring on the jogging stroller and adventures. Hauling one kid around  seems like the worlds easiest task after hauling 3!

We just got home from our first family vacation. We went with our friends from the neighborhood. We had shirts made, matching swimsuits and A LOT of liquid hydration! We finally got to go snorkeling and Jason saw a sea turtle and eagle ray, I get a bit of anxiety snorkeling… thankfully I had my sweet friend coax me in to come exploring the Okinawa waters with me… we just saw some fish but it was awesome none the less. The weather gave us one beautiful day and we took full advantage.  The kids swam at the beach and pool all day. As much fun as we had, it’s still challenging traveling and  accommodating at family of 5, but was well worth all the packing and planning.

In a couple weeks I get to head out on my first grown-woman girl’s trip. We are going to some beautiful islands that are south of our island. They are actually closer to Taiwan then Okinawa. We have big plans to snorkel with Manta Rays and take water buffalo taxis. Its going to be a nice break from the daily grind and honestly I don’t care what we do, ITS VACATION!

One week after we get back from that adventure, MY SISTER GETS HERRREEEE! I miss her so much and can’t wait to show her around this place we have been living and introduce her to a whole new culture. My babies miss her SO. MUCH. and well, she’s my best friend. She will be here for a month, a month I’m going to be over the moon grateful for.

Jason officially heads back to the states at the start of July. The babies know its coming and you can tell now that they are older they are starting to register the amount of time he is going to be gone. This time right before he goes is always the toughest for our family… its like that anticipation of ripping off a band-aid. With that being said though, this will be the 3rd time we have gone months without him, and everything in me means it when I say, we are going to rock it. This is something he has wanted for a long time, and something that has been hovering around our family for awhile… many late night conversations about what is best for our pod. This is going to be great for him, extremely hard, but we know one thing for sure, our family pod here has everything set to go. When he is gone its like God swoops in and gives us all a little more patience, a little more understanding, and little bit more perspective. This is going to be a different side of things seeing as weeee are the ones on the other side of the world, but man-oh-man do we have an incredible group of people to bounce off here. Community moms and dads who always go above and beyond to step in at all costs. This will be hard, for different reasons for both of us, but we have a huge light (that he’s not even willing to look for yet hahaha) at the end of the tunnel to look forward to.

My sister will head home at the end of July only for Everly to start a rigorous swim class the day after she goes… 5 days a week for a month. After that ends she and Cruz start school that next week. Jason and I decided to hire a nanny a couple days a week while he’s gone so I can get out for a bit during the week and get some chores done by myself or grab a yoga class. Give myself some me-time… I thrive on occasional me time so I’m really looking forward to that. After a couple months finding our routine we will be packing up to head back to the states for Thanksgiving/Christmas.

The kids are really missing family so having this trip planned is something I think we are all looking forward to. We will be there for thanksgiving before I head out for a few days to go to my (pretty much sister)’s wedding in El Paso and then on to Phoenix to see one of my best friends and her beautiful family before heading back to Fort Worth. Good lord willing (say lots of prayers) Jason will be graduating a couple weeks after that and I will head out to Vegas to celebrate AND BE REUNITED with him before taking him back to Fort Worth to reunite with his babies. We will be seeing family and spend Christmas in Texas before we head back to Japan for the New Year.

We have SO MUCH coming up this year. These are just a few highlights of what is going on in our world… there will be lots of growing, lots of great times, hard times and everything in between. We would not have it any other way. God has us exactly where he wants us and we have so much to be grateful for. Summer snuck up on us so fast and I have no doubt we are going to blink and its going to be fall!

Thank you for checking in on us, we love and miss you all so much and can’t wait to see you in a few months!

-The Bonds

Every time I left the house as a teenager I remember my mom telling me “Call me as soon  as you get there and please stay in touch and let me know where you are.” I would sigh and say “Yes ma’am” as inconvenienced as I was in my teenage mind , I look back now as a mother and get it. It wasn’t over-protective moming, it was caring. It was my mom doing what she knew how to do best, loving us.

The day I found out I was pregnant my life forever changed. My perspective on the world started bending in directions I never even knew were even possible. After giving birth, I became a new person. When my oldest was born, so was I in a way. I would never have considered myself the maternal type. I wasn’t one to point out a cute baby, or swoon over a friend’s child. But my babies changed me.

The day they wheeled me back to that cold, white operating room I knew my life was going to be flipped upside down. It was no longer what I wanted to do anymore, it was what was going to be best for my family. I laid on that table with the anesthesiologist rubbing my hair comforting me as I waited for my husband to come around that blue curtain. I laid there thinking of what my baby girl was going to look like, was she going to have my eyes, how much she was going to weight…. and if I was going to be able to love her enough. Motherhood is this strange unknown. It’s something that many, many woman experience, but every single story is completely different. You can never understand or explain it until it happens, and even then the words come hard to find.

When my husband came in the room, he sat next to my head and kept repeating “your doing great, your doing fine”, I think more-so to calm himself then me. He has always said, you have no idea how scary it is as a husband/father to watch the love of your life strapped down on the table with doctors on the other side of this blue curtain delivering the one thing that binds you indefinitely. We looked at each other as we heard the doctors say “more suction, thats good….. Your doing great, your going to feel some tugging a pressure, your baby is going to be here very soon!” Those minutes felt like hours.

Just like that, we heard her cry…. Everything is different from this very moment on. “Come on over here Dad!”… My husband kissed my head and did his very best to keep his head down as he walked around the table to get the first glance at our beautiful baby. Between her little cry, and my husband’s updates “She’s 7lbs 6oz, baby”…. “She’s 20 inches!” my heart melted….

I have never loved my husband more in my life then the second I saw him holding our oldest. He was proud, calm, and strong all at the same time. He came over to me with Everly in his hands and all I could do was cry. She was perfect. My husband was a pillar of strength and we were going to be a family. Those couple of minutes flew by, they left to head down to the nursery as I finished up in surgery. “Your almost done… everything is looking wonderful!” I took those last 20 minutes and rested my eyes knowing this was the last few minutes of calm and quiet for the foreseeable future.

As I laid in recovery they brought her to me and I got the chance to breastfeed her for the very first time. We bonded. We fit perfectly together. After having a miscarriage before her, every single cry and movement to me was a blessing not a burden. I was grateful for this little person making my world rich and vibrant again.

Here I sit almost 6 years later, and 2 more babies to add to the mix, each time making me a better person. They stress me out and calm me down all at the same time. They drive me crazy only to turn around and make my heart overflow with love. I have been driven to the point of tears on every edge of the spectrum. I question all the time if I’m doing best by them, and the answer is I never am…. and thats ok. Im human. I can promise to love them, I can promise to keep God as their main point of reference, and I can love their daddy more then I love anything else in this world…. THOSE are the things I KNOW I can do. The rest is trial and error. There is nothing in this world I cannot do with my family behind me.

With this Mothers Day approaching I’m sending you love and I’m here to tell you, your doing great momma. If they aren’t eating organic, thats ok. If they play on the iPad for a while (or a lot) so you can catch a breath for a second, thats ok. If you tell them no because you just have nothing left in that moment, thats ok. If you are doing your best and you love them…. your doing it right. Kiss those babies, and squeeze them tight, because before we know it they are going to be grown.

Inspire. Believe. Succeed.

-Kinzy

 

He’s been gone for 3 weeks, a normal/usual amount of time for him to be gone. We have done this a million times and will do it a million more. After a long day wrangling 3 kids, the phone rings.

Me: “Hey… what’s up?”

Him: “Hey, how was your day?”

“Well, I’m in the middle of trying to get dinner together and kids bath stuff set up…”

“Oh, ok…. I can call back in a little bit, we’re about to head out to dinner.”

“Alright, sounds good…”

“You Okay, baby?”

“Im fine. I love you, ill talk to you in a bit.”

“Ok, I love you. Bye Baby”

That’s my simple answer. “Im fine.” I use it always. I mean it always. For me, “Im fine” falls somewhere in the middle. No, Im not sinking to the bottom of a black hole abyss crying my days away wishing we were never part of this military life, but I’m not clicking my heels in excitment screaming from the roof tops my undying love for flying solo for good chunks of time either.

Im just fine.

I say it to my husband so he can focus on his mission wherever he may be. I say it so he knows that the kids and I are making it through the days just fine. I say it because its my short and sweet way of saying “I got a million things going on right now and with all due respect I can’t chit-chat” and he gets it. As I’m doing “fine”, so is he. His “Im fine” falls more under the “Im on the other side of the world and as nice as it is to put my head down and focus knowing you and the kids are ok, and as nice as it is to go out to dinner with my friends after work and enjoy a cold beer, there is nothing more lonely then walking into a quiet, cold, hotel room and and climbing into empty bed”. He has his version of “Im fine” too and I have to humbly remind myself of that on occasion.

I say it to my kids when I’m on the verge of loosing my ever-loving mind. We could have run around all day doing fun things… beach, swimming, out to dinner, get home get them set up with a movie and I finally sit down and then its like their little minds just start going off with every thing they forgot to ask me for throughout the day… “Hey mom, can I  have a snack? Some water? Some socks? Some dust from the surface of Mars?”…. ok, you get my point. I often respond with a huff and “Right now? Really? Couldn’t have asked 30 seconds ago when I was asking if there was anything else you needed?”…. “Geez momma, why are you so grumpy?!”… “IM FINE…”… That my friends, is the version my kids get. The “momma is on 17,000 steps on her Fitbit today because you couldn’t have asked for juice the 6 times before when I asked you” version. And when it comes down to it, I know thats parenthood in general…. and I wouldn’t change it FOR THE WORLD. It gets monotnous and ground-hog day-ish when your flying solo. It’s exhausting, but it’s also rewarding. There is absolutely no better feeling in the world after getting through a particularly long  TDY or Deployment knowing that you did it. Nope, you weren’t on the front lines of a war, but you were at home keeping a whole family afloat and that deserves a moment of appreciation as well.

I say it to myself. This to me resonates the most. I can’t tell you how many times a day I repeat “Im fine” to myself. I say it when I have rough days and with tears filling my eyes as I wash the dishes… “You did it… The kids are alive, you are alive, everyone is fed, everyone is mostly clean, all is good….. I’m fine”. I say it as I lay on the beach watching my babies splash in the water and collect sea shells “I’m doing just fine!”… it’s like the sisterhood of the traveling pants of sayings, It just always fits. No matter how happy or how sad I am, I truly am always fine.

I live a beautiful life, with a beautiful family, a handsome husband, and incredible friends. When life falls bellow the “fine” mark I have constant reminders and pillars to help pull me back up to that happy medium. This lifestyle can be all consuming. It can be easy to loose yourself while feeling you have to hold so many other people up. It takes a lot more then just me to be “fine”…. it takes allowing perspective in and realizing that everyone else is walking right there with me.

So right now in this very moment, Im doing juuusssst fine.

Inspire. Believe. Succeed.

Kinzy